we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
