the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
