Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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