Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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