did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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