If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
