I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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