i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
