Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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