you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
