Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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