So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
