i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
