Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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