He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
