Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
