Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
