hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
