I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
We are all done wearing pants today
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
