Why are handjobs necessary in class?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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