looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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