I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
