Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
