I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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