and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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