a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
