gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
