Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
