Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
