Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Randomize
