it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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