if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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