It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
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