Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
