Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Who died my cat blue again?
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