I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
