Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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