So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
