She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
