Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
