I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
porn star boner night. come get it.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
