If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
