I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
