Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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