You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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