Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
