Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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