he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
