The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
