i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
