O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
