I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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