Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Swine flu. Run for my life!
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Randomize
