I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
