I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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