I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
