You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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