shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Randomize