I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
