I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
