He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
