I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
