Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
birth control should be required to get into college
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
