so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
