The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I will be naked everywhere
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
