I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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