dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
why do cheetos always look like penises
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
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