so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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