The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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