He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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