So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
