what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
