Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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