like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
