that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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