I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
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