everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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