everyone is single if you try hard enough
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize
