when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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