It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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