I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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