I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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