dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
