I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
