I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
