it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
