Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
