Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
