And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
