I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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