i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
