turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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