I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
