So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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