Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
