____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
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