She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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