I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
