im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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