Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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