I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
