Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
